New York- Let me break it down for you, Tony Robins can kiss my ass, Deepak Chopra is vastly overrated and Dr. Phil is a fucking joke. The greatest motivational guru of this or any generation is Gordon Bombay. Now you may remember Emilio Estevez fondly from his days in the Brat Pack or as the guy with the unfortunate beard during Charlie Sheens talk show interventions, but in my mind he will always be the dude with the perfect hair who lead the Mighty Ducks to glory.
Why is this relevant, you may be asking? well you're reading this so you should know how much this man means to me, but more the the point here, Gordon Bombay left all single men with the greatest pickup strategy ever. You may have a skeptical look on your face right now, "but Harrington, I don't have his perfect hair or dreamy bedroom eyes, how can I possibly get laid by using the teachings of the Bombay?" At which point I want to smack you for being so small minded. Gordon Bombay is a state of mind. Fact. As long as you have his scrappy tenacious spirit in you, you cant go wrong.
So I found myself New Years night, out in the hell hole known as White Plains on a date that my boy Mcdiddles somehow latched himself onto. I had to do what I had to do to get him off in the corner making out with a stranger, this was after all New Years, the one night of the year I can make it clear that a girl will have 364 more days to regret sleeping with me. That's when the lifestyle promoted by Gordon Bombay reared its beautiful head and the best plan I could think up on short notice came to fruition. Much like any other time I face a problem, quacking filled my head, that night, I used it and the greatest Mighty Ducks inspired pick up ever.
That's right dear readers, I invited a random group of hot strangers in very tiny dresses and silly hats to come over and chat with myself, my boy Mcdiddles, and the chick I was on a date with. I got all of us huddled together in the cold and made the introductions. I asked what dreams and goals we had, what we aspired to. I asked questions of what limitations each of us would put on our personal greatness for this 2012. I made the point that if this is as the Mayans predicted our last year, that we should live it to the fullest. Each of us threw out a goal, be it sky diving or trying out for a modeling contract. Then we all agreed, us 8 more or less strangers to hold each other to that promise. And I told them why we had to do this "because ducks fly together". I then recited that whole speech about 90% accurate, got everyones hands in and started quacking. I'd like to say I was surprised when 3 legit DIMES and a couple 8's were all quacking with their hands in a circle, but such is the magic of Bombay. Tell me you didn't get pumped up to do whatever miserable little chores you have to do today after watching that. Of course you did, Its the Mighty Ducks damnit. I'd also like to say I was shocked when I got time to enjoy time with my date as Mcscruffin got the hottest ass of his life, but, once again, this is The Mighty Ducks were talking about, and bitches love Disney movies. Harness the power of the Bombay for good dear readers, and always find the right ducks and fly together.
P.S. How Effin HOT have the chicks from the Mighty Ducks become?!?
Connie Moreau
Julie "The Cat" Gaffney
P.P.S. Shes now a Yoga teacher, and my future wife.
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